Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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