im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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