whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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