Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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