WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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