Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
