Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
