my sisters under your porch take her home
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
