hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
