the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
