Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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