What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
