just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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