So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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