just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
