remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
