i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
