we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
