apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
