youre lurking in front of me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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