My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
