My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
