My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
