That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize