How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
