She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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