Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
