I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
