In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
