worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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