I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
