Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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