Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
