No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
