took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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