i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
