Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
