maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
