i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
