I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
