Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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