Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
