So drunk its hurt
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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