She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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