just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
