so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
