If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
