nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
