Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
