the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just want to make out with him forever
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
