i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
