The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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