I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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