Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
no, he came in my armpit
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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