I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She told me I should be a condom model.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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