My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
honey bunches of taint.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
