I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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